These last couple of days have been very trying for me. My entire world has been ripped out from underneath me and the pain the literal pain has been so excruciating.
One thing I did do was to take up the cross, put on my armor and see this for what it really is, a permanent change, a time to heal once and for all….complete surrender.
I thought God was taking away everything I ever prayed for and in a way he did but he did it because he knows that I currently function on 2 modes, fight or flight. I had been fighting like hell for years so he had to engage the other mechanism to enlist the change that I had been so desperately seeking. He didn’t take my family away he simply made me fly to fight the long fight.
So only a couple days into this massive life change God is performing his miracles prevalent in a way he knew I would understand. I have gained a new feeling that I didn’t know truly existed it’s the feeling of HOPE.
God is revealing to me as fast as my mind will process, another catering to my delicate individuality. I know this process isn’t going to happen fast if it is meant to last but I also know my fight mechanism is engaged full force and I will work around the clock to allow God to repair my soul.
I know that when I accepted Christ my spirit was made perfect, but my soul that would be the lifelong journey the journey of revelation, forgiveness and forgiving, submitting, tears and heartaches. I will fight to discover the JOY I have been missing for so long. Then and only then can I go home to my family and they can have the Shari they had come to love and know back 100% all the time.
I will learn better self care I will learn how to completely submit. I will experience the loving embrace of God and I will then be a better servant in Christ and partner in life.
This one is for my family: I Understand now that who I’d become is not who God wanted for you but rather this is what he has to do to bring me home where I belong.
Much Love…until next time Never Give Up on a Miracle