I know such a bold title, a proclamation of self love. But what is proclamation without reason…simply proclamation.
Yesterday had to be the second hardest day of my life, the first being my brothers death. My family and I laid my brother’s body to his final resting place and I was at peace.
Throughout the entire calling hours pre and post funeral dinner many people came to me with a message of condolence much different than that offered to anyone else in the family.
See everyone assumed that I was”being strong” hiding my feelings because I had to be the leaning tower for the family. I will admit that in the beginning of this journey that was exactly what I was doing.
NOw before you pass judgement on others please let me stress that being of rational mind in the midst of tragedy was a lesson I needed to learn, me Shari. I had shut off and shut down so to have the natural instinct to not think twice of doing what I had to do was my normal and this journey has been to break the cycle.
Here is where I want to discuss my reason for proclaiming I’m strong, I am strong because I have the power of resurrection running through me. I have relied 100 percent on the Lord for comfort and strength. We have had many conversations of the pain I feel with the blessed assurance of this normality.
He was reminding me that without my emotions I was simply an empty vessel, so I need to be humanized. He also let me feel the comfort of surrender. I am having guidance like I have never had and an appreciation for myself and being used as my lord deems fit.
I am still crying I am still getting angry but I am also getting God. Having God is having perspective. It’s a time of knowing that the last way I seen my brother was not the way I will reunite one day.
See the hope I have been given is the hope of a homecoming so grand that everyone I have ever known and loved will join me in THEIR best form.
So I wasn’t “just being strong”I was and am STRONG because I am not alone.
This morning when I woke thinking of what to write and thinking about the events of the past weeks I was once again reminded to surrender and not worry about the future.
For today I woke with the proudness of my father whispering in my ear “well done my good and faithful servant.” That is why I am strong because strength comes from the solid rock on which I stand.
Please help spread the word for much needed financial assistance for my family during this tragedy. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.