Yesterday by far had to be one of the hardest days of my life. The grief of everything I have been enduring has hit me so hard that I had to breakdown. The breakdown seemed weak to me but in fact it was a reminder of trust, faith and hope.
There has been no secret that I am facing challenges on a daily basis that are testing my strength, but I am persevering through God. See what I feel that all this grief is a reminder of my position, human grief. This is something that the Bible even talks about that it is expected. Why is it expected? So we can learn who to rely on! Relying on anyone or anything presents faith and hope. We are understanding that we are not the creator not the master of all. Submission is the key!
Someone very special in my life told me not too long ago said that it is not a sprint it is a marathon, isn’t that the truth. I have been working so hard on fixing or rather allow God to fix what is broken in me that I forget it wasn’t me doing this.
How do I know it wasn’t me? Well the words that constantly come to my head are not words of my own but rather words of comfort. The words that show I am not the only one struggling, I need to get outside myself and let God go to work for me. That is what he wants to do, take care of me and show my full potential.
Now this is not just my earnings potential but the potential of those who serve him and are listening to his instruction. Each and everyone of us have our own demons to face and the best thing I can do is TRUST in God for all his great works.
God doesn’t make mistakes, he doesn’t bring love together to rip it apart. Quite the contrary he will remove you from a situation to make you see the full value of what you have. That is what I forgot to do, see value in others. I am not to rely in others for a comfort only he can produce. But what he did do was make humans to be there for one another to remind them of their worth. That is what this journey is really about for me it is the journey of worth.
While spending so much time in reading the Bible and praying I found the hope and trust I have been longing for. He is reminding me that the old me is gone and I am born new with a clean slate to live and love. I have to always remember my strength comes from my Lord who is always on my side.
I am also made very aware not to be lazy or I will not be fruitful. This doesn’t mean just money it means the efficacy of my testimony. Who will believe that I am born again new if I display the old.
In my dreams God was showing me that I am bound for success in everything I do and that I have a family though not currently with them,who has worked so hard to show me my potential even to the extent they may have forgotten their own. NO MORE! I am giving my every thought my every action to the one who has already seen it all before I existed.
I have been praying for restoration but through books like Job I am seeing that it is not restoration but making new. Today I wake with a complete faith that God is working overtime for me. He is allowing people to talk through me to remind me that I am worthy, so loved. I am so worthy that he himself is taking extra steps to make what I once had way better. He is uniting a front that I refused to see in the knowing that now is the time for change. I believe this, I have hope in this and my faith in his words will get me through. My strength is building but not without the reminder that I am human. The reminder is to keep me in check as to who to rely on and it is not myself or the work I put into something. It is him that will determine what is best for me. God doesn’t make mistakes, if he brought something together then took it apart it was for a lesson not a loss.
So for the remainder of today I will submit to God because I know he loves me and he is working for me. I am not alone and I am loved. There is so much greatness to come out of controversy and I get to be the person who experiences it in their lifetime.
To those that I love so dearly please know that I am gaining faith on a daily basis and I believe with all my heart that God is making us new. Get back up this is a Hard Love…You can’t change without a fallout. Get back up
I love you