Good morning to all from a very windy and very chilly autumn Ohio day. The crisp air reminds me so much of my brother though I am still trying to figure out the connection. Maybe it’s the majestic splendor in the ever changing climate which does remind me of the struggles and strongholds that my brother has finally overcome.
I know that everyone has their own way of dealing with grief and I am no exception. Now before I go on any further please let me state that I am by no means in a delusional frame, expecting response when I know I wont receive one, but it helps me. I am finding comfort with this Tragic loss is texting my brother on occasion. Again I know he is not connected to his phone but to me it’s like a message meant straight for heaven.
Today I found myself sending a number of texts just letting him know how much we all miss him and the emptiness that my parents feel in their hearts. I simply let him know what is going on around us and if at all possible to show my parents a sign to give them some peace.
My brother Jeremy and I had a unique bond. We fought the same darkness for most of our lives, with strongholds clutched so tight that honestly death often seemed like the only relief in sight. We have felt what it is like to be exiled by family and friends because they refuse to understand what goes on in the world outside of themselves. I am not bashing on anyone in particular but rather just a simple understanding of the desolate place called our minds.
We have taken very different paths for coping but in the end we turned to our maker for our miracle. Jeremy fought a fight that many would not be proud of but even in his death I feel peace knowing he finally got it right. See Jeremy is my older brother, not by much but still enough to be a role model. I seen his fight regardless if he showed it and I am good knowing I did the very best I could do by him.
I have hope he is able to see from heaven how much of an impact he has made on so many others including me one of his biggest fans. He may have turned the wrong corner to cope but in the end he made his way home.
I am reminded often through friends and family how much his presence and his memory is still alive. I even had a very dear person to my heart telling me that they could hear my brother talking giving me the message that I was there to help him through the darkness so he was going to make sure he was there for mine. Just words of encouragement like that have been an installation of light in my world. To know that everything that my brother went through was not in vain but rather to help others in their times of struggles.
The most important thing I want to declare is to know that my brother is a hero. His story is changing lives one by one. Hope is being resurrected in people that thought life was long over for them. Stories of struggles are coming out of the shadows to admit and seek help, it is so amazing. See to me a hero is someone who has great influence whether in life or death. Saddening to the human mind it took death for his story to be taken seriously but regardless he fulfilled his purpose and continues to leave a legacy.
Wow Jeremy, did you ever think in your wildest dreams that you would leave a legacy? Well Bub you have an you are continuing to shape those for their journey to come.
In this stage of my grief I get great solace just to get the words out of my head. It is giving me a sense of peace beyond my comprehension. The knowing that the fight for him is over is so weight releasing. No more days of worry and fear, wondering and wishing…no it is all perfect now because he rests in glory.
Jeremy, I know you are watching over us sitting at the right hand of the throne of God making sure to send as much love, light and strength to those who need it now and forever.
It is expected to grieve, if not we are simply a hollow shell of existence. I will not be that person anymore because my amazing brother has taught me that in the middle of trials we are not alone and that triumph is just a little further. I am reminded just through an unrequited text that he is still very active but now he does it from a place that he is at his best version. At his best version there is a heart that has so much love and understanding, that his sweet energy lingers in our presence.
So for today I will continue to push forward and be utilized to know and show the love that he was not able to.
If you or anyone you know is suffering from the strongholds of depression or addiction please don’t give up on them. Your support is so crucial to our destiny. As always I am happy to be a resource for others as my walk is not vastly different. Remember that despite what you see or may feel you are special and God never makes a mistake.