You Can’t Change Without a Fallout

No words have ever rang more true that those words of my title.  Think about it for a moment. If you genuinely want change in your life, change for the better, how can you do it maintaining everything you have ever known and done?

I kept going through life wanting change so bad.  I wanted to be better for God, myself and those I love.  But with the pronounced patterns that are reoccurring how would permanent change even be possible.  See I had what I thought was the luxury of human unconditional love. The kind of love that would defy the hands of time.  Looking back now I know that kind of love is impossible from a humans, despite words, actions always prevail.

If I was going to make my pleas for help matter then it had to happen. What gives us humans the will to fight for what we know is right?  It is the knowing that our true love doesn’t lie in a human’s hands, we are very flawed creatures on purpose so to keep us in check. I want to be strong so I have to do it for my maker and myself.

Instead of looking at the worst of everything I am being trained to trust unconditionally. The only way to learn is to go through the motions. The motions are very painful, very lonely at times until my eyes are adjusted on the right sight.

This lesson is teaching me that through all things Christ will give me strength.  I know he has amazing plans for me. This doesn’t mean I have lost love for the little family that I was apart of, quite the contrary. I want that little family to be strong and unified in God.

I had done a lot of damage in my past.  Maybe not physical damage but tremendous emotional damage.  I had pushed away the love that was being shown to me. In short I like most people took advantage of what I had and took for granted it would always be there.

God has shown me my good, bad and ugly but he is repairing me.  The love that I have for so much is being enveloped into a lifelong journey of maintenance. This entire journey is about trust.  If I don’t trust the Lord and his intentions then I have nothing. But with trust I have understanding, confidence and perseverance. I am being equipped for the long run but in the right way.  

Trust has always been a nemesis of mine because it was ever so lacking in my life.  Now I understand that was just an extension of the real problem, I doubted the trust in my creator. How wrong is that? I based every up and down on trust when that was the right perspective but towards the wrong person.  I needed to find trust that the lord will restore me to his glory, and he is.

God is showing me so much love from people that I wasn’t even looking to for strength.  I am being shown that if there is no trust in God’s plan for me then there is nothing…I mean nothing.

I don’t believe God is taking away my livelihood I think he is building it so I can appreciate and savor the moments.  He is changing desires so that I want to be right with him and show my trust and appreciation even through the struggles. I know that my hand is being held every step of the way and I have full trust that he is working his master plan.

One day he will give me all my hearts desires including a loving family that is meant to be strong and boisterous for his glory.  He had already been doing that in the part of the family that trusted him but that wasn’t me. Now that trust is on my side I know that this is simply a walk up the hill so that I can see the glory of the summit.

For today I will keep marching forward, pushing for what I know is right. I know that I need the Lord in any and all things I do.  I know that I need to trust his plans for me because they were set in stone long before my existence and resistance.

I know I am being healed and with healing comes great revelation and proclamation. I will rise up because that is my command.