The Final Decision is Not Mine

Something I woke up with that has been ringing in my ears is something that was a way of old with me.

In the past whenever I had encountered problems or trials that I would simply deem that I had to walk away forget the past and move on.  That is not how the Godly do it, but rather this was my own stubborn will.

With stubborn will or rather my will I thought that finality meant moving on because that is what I was supposed to do. Then I kept digging more into the word.  I was intentional and specific of what words or instructions I was looking for. I am looking for guidance through this pain I am enduring.

See in God’s word nothing says walk away,forget and be done.  Instead he is showing me that when I come to him all things will work together for his good.  He never forsakes us even in our worst suffering. Actually, God practices the opposite, he never gives up on us. He gives me every chance to come to him at any time and he will make it right.  He will forgive and forget the sins of my past and work diligently on me to correct my problems once and for all.

I am made so much stronger in my weakness.  Without weakness I am simply going through the motions and continuing the patterns.  You will see me talk a lot about patterns because someone in my shoes are fighting to defy these patterns, break the cycle forever.

I know that there is no such thing as walking away and not facing my issues.  I don’t have a choice on my path if I want it to be his will and not mine. His will is for me to love, prosper and teach.  I am being used as a vessel for his words and his love and this includes not saying “I am finished.” When I am finished is the time I am called home to forget the sins of this world and fall into his loving embrace for eternity.  He and I are working so hard on trust. I realized that trust or the lack of was what was sending my stubborn will into a direct battle with God’s will. He is the one to tell me when I am finished and not a minute before. I don’t need to turn my back and pretend things never existed to honor his glory.  I am supposed to be learning to trust that everyone and everything works for him and not ourselves.

I don’t need fame and fortune to be someone, no I need God to be someone for me.  I need to continue to testify and show the love that he has given me. This kind of love is a true love of endurance.

We can not have peace unless we have controversy.  We can’t have joy without heartache. Everything we think and do requires a delicate touch of the opposite spectrum. It is impossible to feel anything without having experienced the opposite.

I know that I am not finished. I know that my dreams are not gone but rather put on hold.  I am realizing in very profound ways that I am not alone in this fight.

Everyone has a very specific journey and like I’ve always said these journeys are very unique to each individual.  That statement in itself shows how unique I am . He is customizing the fight and glory for him. He knows my strengths and he also defines my weaknesses. This is the same for everyone.  I am not responsible for everyone else’s journey I am responsible for my own. If God wants to be the center and never be finished then I must head his command.

My command is to heal.  Healing takes time despite my get up and move on kind of attitude.  I need to grieve all that I have been through for I know this is a test of my faith.  I have to prove that I can and do believe in what is unseen.

I know that this journey is a lifelong journey for me and for everyone else.  But I will not give up and walk away like the human form. I will fight for healing so that I may have my true blessings revealed.  

It all starts with the big word of trust and ends in the feared word of patience.  I can honestly say I don’t much care for either of those words. Those words are a direct reflection of the very case I have that requires undivided attention.  

God you have my heart and my mind.  Thank you for never being finished with me. Thank you for opening my heart in a very sensitive manner so that I can understand there is so much more meant for my life.  Thank you for all the blessings including the trials that I am going through. Thank you for always loving me despite my flaws. Thank you for having shoulders that are impossible to break.  Most importantly thank you for never giving up on your love for me. Together with God I can get through any and all things.