Change of Plan

This afternoon I am a bit late to the game but none the less I showed up!

I wanted to start off by saying I had planned a specific writing for today but well as you can remember every time I start to plan, the plan changes. So In true form of the respect i have for the initial writing topic I want to take a pause. I am recognizing that I owe the next topic its own special focus in my mind and my writing.

Today is a push through it day. It is the lull in the wind, leaves all fallen to the ground, dreary clouds kind of day. On top of the ominous weather conditions I am coming down with a cold and it is zapping my complete energy. I had resolved to take to the bed for the day when I realized that no one but myself was accountable to take that step and be productive. So here i am, my version of productive lol.

I think I want to deem this as a self love day. A day that I am recognizing that my body and mind are calling out to me for some much needed rest, to recuperate. Don’t get me wrong I don’t feel like I’m on death doorsteps but I do feel very aware of what is happening and the growth I have come to love that endures through these difficult days.

Expectations are often thrown out the window on these days or if they don’t they should be. When your body starts to feel abnormal to the point of physical pain, you need to listen to it. Our bodies call out to us whether through indigestion to bad dreams…they are constantly talking. The talking in my body is saying “Shari….its ok to just be rest today.”

Though nothing today is prolific by any means I just need to document for the days that I am struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel to just stop and let go. What is meant to be will happen, you will face it and time will go on. I do not need to worry about the outcome of every facet of my life. I need to stop measuring my success to the success of the norm..I am anything but norm.

I would have never stopped to realize I was internalizing so much because I never valued myself. Today I value myself I an pushing through what feels like fingers that weigh 10 pounds each…..but I’m doing it.

I am fighting everything in my head that is playing fetch with the dog while a squirrel walks up. I am just very tired. But I am doing it.